I’m not Nora Ephron, whose book I Feel Bad About  My Neck, is a bemused look at women’s aging. She realized this when she was a lunch after facelifts and everyone was wearing turtlenecks. My own list, however, is true for my friends and me.

1. Do not attempt until ½ hour after shower or bath. Items of clothing will not move
   

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   over skin.

2. On second thought, do not attempt bath. You won’t be able to get out.

3. Do not attempt any item with back closures, including bras.

4. Allow one hour to put on compression hose (double if two hoses).

5. Do not attempt any item requiring lacing.

6. Go surgical for alterations to facial appearance. Anything less is a waste of money and time.

7. Choose hats, scarves, or wigs.

8. Use children’s college funds for knee and shoulder replacements.

9. Elastic only.

10. Just forget it.

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