In the last post, we began to see how to develop denials and affirmations to address our core needs for strength, positive thoughts, confidence and motivation. Let’s complete this process by looking at the three traits of effective denials and affirmations.
When assertive communication or other methods have failed or when it seems I have no answer, a denial helps me maintain my peace and avoid adding any energy to the situation. I can feel how relieved I am, how secure, as I repeat this denial to myself. I may even write it. I have heard of people changing the pronoun also and repeating the statement in words or writing.
“No attempt to reduce Shirley’s worth is
“No attempt to reduce your
worth is effective.”
I also visualize myself supported
and appreciated as I say or write this statement. I add no energy to the
conflict. Most dramas depend on energy to operate and when the energy is not
there they often move on or dissolve. But even if the other person continues to
operate in this way, my experience of it will be different. The practice of
denials then helps keep me in a space where I can extend positive energy
without hypocrisy. It clears away my negativity so I can move on to readiness
for a more positive experience.
Next, after I have created
this space through the denial, I can add an affirmation:
“I am secure in my worth.” Or
“We are all equally worthwhile.” or
Or “I enjoy harmonious work
I state the desired condition as already
present. The phrase “I am” is especially
powerful. God told Moses the Divine Name: “I am that I am. Tell them ‘I Am’
sent you.” Descartes was famous for the philosophical version of this sharing
of life with God. “I think; therefore I am.” We then take it further by
expressing the existence in a statement. So be aware when you think or say “I
It is necessary to change
exactly what we think is certain based on your past experience in order to
create new experiences. By that I mean, if all your life you have felt like
others did not want to be your friend, that will not change as long as you
operate out of the idea that no one wants to be your friend. Einstein said that
the solution to a problem cannot arise from the same thinking that created the
problem. We have to reprogram ourselves to create different experiences for
ourselves. At first these statements may feel strange. However Jesus said if we
have faith as a grain of mustard seed, that is, just a little, we can do create
an outer reality.
In Twelve Step recovery
programs, it is taught that we can free ourselves of resentments by praying the
Resentment Prayer even when we don’t mean it. And multitudes have proven this
to be true. So even if we repeat the denials or affirmations without feeling,
they can work, but repeating them will create the feeling eventually. They work
more powerfully when the feeling dimension is present. The researchers at
HeartMath have discovered this reality. The heart has its own intelligence and
can override the mental type of intelligence. When the heart and mind work
together, powerful results occur. Jesus demonstrated his knowledge of this when
he would ask someone if they wanted to be healed, or when he said their faith
had made them well. Medical science is filled with accounts of baffling
recoveries based on the conviction of the patient. And even in cases in which
the patient left this earth, the truth is that they were indeed healed, because
they no longer suffer in the body.
One of the joys of relating
to children is their simple bypassing of the negative. Their simple faith,
goodness and love are always so close to the surface that they seek to share to
uplift us naturally. For example, a father came home from work exhausted, too
exhausted to greet his little boy. But the little boy did not hold this against
the father. Instead he came up to him and affirmed, “It’s ok, Daddy. You’re
home now.” The father immediately felt comforted. This is partly what Jesus
meant when he said to become as little children, open to the good without
Affirmations state the
desired experience in the language of the present moment, as it is already
here. They create and express faith in the good prevailing in our lives. They
are not tied to specific outcomes but to the spiritual reality we want to
enjoy. If seeking a specific or outer state, we always add “this or something
better”, We are not trying to control or change someone else.* We are clear about what we want to create:
peace, harmony, love, faith, kindness, patience, goodwill, well being,
abundance, or other good. The power is in our words spoken from our hearts with
Remember these traits of
effective denials and affirmations:
- They come from a
deep core of your authentic concern or desire.
- They are repeated
with the feeling desired.
- They are stated
and visualized as occurring, already present.
* If you have concerns for
loved ones, you can identify what in you is being challenged.