Unhealthy Housework


There were three things my ex-husband did well, one of which was housework. Of course that was in his self-interest, as were the other two. Let me explain.

It’s not that I don’t want to clean. It’s just that I can’t afford to. The medical bills are too high. Along with replacement costs.

Bruises on my shins attest to my wrestling with the vacuum sweeper. As I turn to sweep another area, I knock down something from the shelf behind me and it breaks. I then have to clean that up, and I cut my fingers doing that.

So I thought I would beat the game by using extendable handles. That way I could collapse them and they wouldn’t knock down anything behind me. Wrong. I pinched my finger collapsing the handle, creating a blue fingernail that didn’t match the other colors at all.

Cleaning the kitchen cabinet shelves – oh, that’s rich. Taking down one bag to clean under it 9 times out of 10 means another mess to clean up. My eye starts twitching.

Cleaning the counters? The glass of milk I was going to remove spilled on the floor before I could get very far. As I reached for the mop, you guessed it…trip to Urgent Care to wrap my wrist that I sprained trying to break my fall.

Refrigerator? Yep –either before or right after cleaning the shelf something spills, all by itself. I watched it do it – closing the door made it topple.

Dusting? Same story. Can’t afford to keep replacing what I break trying, although my doctor did suggest considering a med for nerves.

I tried to straighten the bedroom closet the other day and created a bump on my forehead where the container crashed on me as I took it down. Of course I had to pick that up but at least I knew not to try to vacuum.

Don’t mention laundry. We use a lot of pink – shirts, pants, and sheets.

Bathroom? Plumbing bill.

Hire someone? I tried that. They left screaming after I tried to move something for them to clean.

So I think the safest and most economical choice is to leave things alone unless I just absolutely have to move something. At least we had a daughter who can come over to do that.


Published by Fessup

A 30-year veteran educator and counselor, published author, lifelong student of religion and women's issues, educator with divinebalance.org, mother, and lover of Far Side humor.

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