You at Christmas

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There’s a lot of talk about the value and need to be giving at this time of year. We have slogans like “It’s better (or ‘more blessed’ some say) to give than receive” that in our materialistic society seems a challenge. One charity boasts they are “Doing the most good.” Or we worry about the price of gifts that are out of our range.

Is giving supposed to be a competition? If so, what’s the prize? Or the measure?

The Calculated Giver.

My sisters and I were always amused that our mother kept a Christmas Card list from Continue reading

Stop the Suffering!

Two for One

I am glad to announce the inclusion of my story “The Orphan Tree” in this year’s collection, Stories Before Christmas.

I am including a free copy with any order of Redemption from Biblical Battering. I can’t bundle them on Amazon so just send me your address with a picture of your order and I will send you your copy of Stories Before Christmas!

Enjoy!

stories before christmas

Holiday Excuses

defocused image of illuminated christmas lights

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None of us probably understands why some family members might choose to bring up residual hostilities that need years of therapy and analysis over the dinner table during an afternoon’s holiday visit.

What makes these occasions bring up so many urgent feelings that they must be expressed now is a mystery. Whatever the volcanic pressures are, Wild Pecos Bill conversations are one reason these occasions are dreaded instead of enjoyed.

SNL has made a successful skit out of Drunk Uncle, the perennial bull in the china shop, or rather, sitting in front of the china. But we all have some variation of the person we Continue reading

New Recovery Workbook

More awareness of gender abuse within church groups has become news recently. Doctrinal groups both reflect and shape the culture they are in.

Groups like Christian for Biblical Equality, FaithTrust Institute, and Twitter voices such as #savedfromthe silence, #defendthe sheep, #churchtoo, #emptythepews and others are witnessing that church is not always safe for women.

During Domestic Violence month, I want to point out that an estimated 25% of church women are abused in their homes. They stay longer because of wrestling with faith questions.

Although prevalence seems to be higher in conservative religions, enforcement of patriarchy as God’s will is not limited to these groups. Many books are now coming out about the struggle to maintain faith within a system that does not honor the equality of women.

However, I did not find a self-help recovery workbook to help women sort out the complex and subtle pressures to keep them in an abusive relationship within some churches.

That is why I am happy to report that my workbook, Redemption from Biblical Battering, is now available on Amazon and Kindle. I hope you will consider it when you meet a woman of faith who thinks she must choose between her faith and her marriage.

Top 10 Rules for Getting Dressed For Seniors (Youth, Be Advised)

I’m not Nora Ephron, whose book I Feel Bad About My Neck, is a bemused look at women’s aging. She realized this when she was a lunch after facelifts and everyone was wearing turtlenecks. My own list, however, is true for my friends and me.

Do not attempt until ½ hour after shower or bath. Items of clothing will not move
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over skin.

2. On second thought, do not attempt bath. You won’t be able to get out.

3. Do not attempt any item with back closures, including bras.

4. Allow one hour to put on compression hose (double if two hoses).

5. Do not attempt any item requiring lacing.

6. Go surgical for alterations to facial appearance. Anything less is a waste of money and time.

7. Choose hats, scarves, or wigs.

8. Use children’s college funds for knee and shoulder replacements.

9. Elastic only.

10. Just forget it.

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I’m Inconvenient. Are You?

Al Gore’s film about climate change, “An Inconvenient Truth”, made a big splash and was aptly name. But increasingly human beings are considered inconvenient because of two bullies: greed and speed. Watkins Glen State Park NY

There are days when I feel like a character in The Matrix. Others would be pleased if they could just strap me to a table and hook my bank account up to their tubes.

More businesses want me to just set up online accounts which siphon money directly from me to their account. They never have to see me, talk to me, or deal with me at all, unless it’s the nanosecond requirement for me to click “I agree.” Nor is it possible to explain a situation that does not fit their parameters over the phone.

Phone trees and websites are designed to Continue reading

Some Women Have Fat

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I started to write “Some Women are Fat” but that’s not the main issue. More men are becoming weight conscious, but for women fat phobia is a way of life. “This Is Us” has won an Emmy in part for including the lifetime pain of a large woman in its story line. More prevalent are shows like “The Biggest Loser”, featuring weighty men and women abusing themselves, often gaining the weight back because of their underlying medical problem.

The reality is that the medical community may not want to admit they don’t have an answer to all the fat conditions. They are as myriad and individual as the people struggling with fat. One doctor told a candidate surgery was the only way to reset her metabolism. Really? The big secret is that bariatric surgery does not reliably produce weight loss.

Recently the role of our manufactured food industry has been recognized, but still the billion dollar diet industry rolls on. Women are assured the more they measure, the more they will never measure up with the appropriate body. Ads for “health” are masks Continue reading

A Father Is In This House

A Father is in this house,

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A Father standing tall,

And even more surprising,

He admits he doesn’t know it all.

It’s good to have a Father

Who can constantly stay,

Who doesn’t hide or disappear

When things don‘t go his way.

A Father who follows through

On promises he made

And guides his children lovingly

And helps them find their way.

A Father who, beyond biology,

Gives his strength and love.

In spite of his faults, his children say

“You’re a Dad we’re proud of.”

The Unwanted Mother

Right now I have an 89-year-old friend who moved away from her lifetime residence and cadre of friends to a retirement home closer to her daughter. Her daughter wanted this move because it would save her expensive flights to visit her mother. Although they were not especially close, my friend wanted to be nearer to her daughter in case she became ill.

My friend spends her days isolated in the facility. Her daughter does not see or talk to her very much and it is difficult to begin making friends at this age, she says. It is now apparent that her daughter may not be there even if she is ill. She thinks she made a mistake but she cannot move back now. She is too old.

The Institute on Aging reported in 2010 that older women are twice as likely to live alone Continue reading

ShirleyFessel.com

Freelance Writer in the Education and Counseling Professions