New Recovery Workbook

More awareness of gender abuse within church groups has become news recently. Doctrinal groups both reflect and shape the culture they are in.

Groups like Christian for Biblical Equality, FaithTrust Institute, and Twitter voices such as #savedfromthe silence, #defendthe sheep, #churchtoo, #emptythepews and others are witnessing that church is not always safe for women.

During Domestic Violence month, I want to point out that an estimated 25% of church women are abused in their homes. They stay longer because of wrestling with faith questions.

Although prevalence seems to be higher in conservative religions, enforcement of patriarchy as God’s will is not limited to these groups. Many books are now coming out about the struggle to maintain faith within a system that does not honor the equality of women.

However, I did not find a self-help recovery workbook to help women sort out the complex and subtle pressures to keep them in an abusive relationship within some churches.

That is why I am happy to report that my workbook, Redemption from Biblical Battering, is now available on Amazon and Kindle. I hope you will consider it when you meet a woman of faith who thinks she must choose between her faith and her marriage.

Top 10 Rules for Getting Dressed For Seniors (Youth, Be Advised)

I’m not Nora Ephron, whose book I Feel Bad About My Neck, is a bemused look at women’s aging. She realized this when she was a lunch after facelifts and everyone was wearing turtlenecks. My own list, however, is true for my friends and me.

Do not attempt until ½ hour after shower or bath. Items of clothing will not move
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over skin.

2. On second thought, do not attempt bath. You won’t be able to get out.

3. Do not attempt any item with back closures, including bras.

4. Allow one hour to put on compression hose (double if two hoses).

5. Do not attempt any item requiring lacing.

6. Go surgical for alterations to facial appearance. Anything less is a waste of money and time.

7. Choose hats, scarves, or wigs.

8. Use children’s college funds for knee and shoulder replacements.

9. Elastic only.

10. Just forget it.

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I’m Inconvenient. Are You?

Al Gore’s film about climate change, “An Inconvenient Truth”, made a big splash and was aptly name. But increasingly human beings are considered inconvenient because of two bullies: greed and speed. Watkins Glen State Park NY

There are days when I feel like a character in The Matrix. Others would be pleased if they could just strap me to a table and hook my bank account up to their tubes.

More businesses want me to just set up online accounts which siphon money directly from me to their account. They never have to see me, talk to me, or deal with me at all, unless it’s the nanosecond requirement for me to click “I agree.” Nor is it possible to explain a situation that does not fit their parameters over the phone.

Phone trees and websites are designed to Continue reading

Some Women Have Fat

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I started to write “Some Women are Fat” but that’s not the main issue. More men are becoming weight conscious, but for women fat phobia is a way of life. “This Is Us” has won an Emmy in part for including the lifetime pain of a large woman in its story line. More prevalent are shows like “The Biggest Loser”, featuring weighty men and women abusing themselves, often gaining the weight back because of their underlying medical problem.

The reality is that the medical community may not want to admit they don’t have an answer to all the fat conditions. They are as myriad and individual as the people struggling with fat. One doctor told a candidate surgery was the only way to reset her metabolism. Really? The big secret is that bariatric surgery does not reliably produce weight loss.

Recently the role of our manufactured food industry has been recognized, but still the billion dollar diet industry rolls on. Women are assured the more they measure, the more they will never measure up with the appropriate body. Ads for “health” are masks Continue reading

A Father Is In This House

A Father is in this house,

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A Father standing tall,

And even more surprising,

He admits he doesn’t know it all.

It’s good to have a Father

Who can constantly stay,

Who doesn’t hide or disappear

When things don‘t go his way.

A Father who follows through

On promises he made

And guides his children lovingly

And helps them find their way.

A Father who, beyond biology,

Gives his strength and love.

In spite of his faults, his children say

“You’re a Dad we’re proud of.”

The Unwanted Mother

Right now I have an 89-year-old friend who moved away from her lifetime residence and cadre of friends to a retirement home closer to her daughter. Her daughter wanted this move because it would save her expensive flights to visit her mother. Although they were not especially close, my friend wanted to be nearer to her daughter in case she became ill.

My friend spends her days isolated in the facility. Her daughter does not see or talk to her very much and it is difficult to begin making friends at this age, she says. It is now apparent that her daughter may not be there even if she is ill. She thinks she made a mistake but she cannot move back now. She is too old.

The Institute on Aging reported in 2010 that older women are twice as likely to live alone Continue reading

When to Go, Where to Go: Education after High School- Part Three

In the previous post, we looked at how knowing where and when to go to school after high school has changed. In this section, we will look at types of credentials and preparation steps.

College Before Graduation

Most districts now offer dual credits and Advanced Placement, less expensive ways to earn college credit. Dual credit courses are offered at the high school by community and four-year colleges to high school students.

Advanced Placement courses are also college level courses offered at the high school, but involve paying for and passing a test at the end. Cost for the test can vary up to $200. Once earned, a student orders the test score sent to the Registrar at the college they eventually want to attend to get the credit posted to their academic record (transcript). Some students enter college at a sophomore level using these options.

Some students believe they can “test out” of college courses. The amount of credits accepted from CLEP (College Level Entrance Program) is limited at each institution. Most limit these to 6 credits or two average semester courses.

International students will pay a fee (usually over $100) to have their transcripts evaluated for credits to be applied toward their coursework at a college.

Before selecting a school, there are three phrases you need to understand:

When to Go, Where to Go- Part Two: Research Saves Money, Time, Effort and Anguish

Attending college is an expensive and circuitous way to learn a field. The first two years are spent on general studies, although more schools are trying to track freshmen more quickly into their interests. Changing majors is expensive. Changing schools is even more so. Many financial aid burdens could have been cut in half by some research before selecting a college or a field.

Some complain that they cannot find work in their degree field but that is not as big a

When to Go, Where to Go: Education after High School- Part One

Would you walk into Old Navy and ask how little you can buy with $100?

That’s what many students do when they think about going to college. Mental energy and time are not considered as much as money. They adopt a “hoop-jumping” approach. “Show me how little time and effort I can spend to get this degree” results in not getting their money’s worth. Education is sold as a product but is more about a process of investment.

The commercialization of college has stolen this reality. Getting a degree quickly with little effort is marketed. Fear that students will believe glib statements that college is not worth the time and money have led at times to minimizing demands. The world though emphasizes college study now more than ever.

The rampant sale of fake diplomas and term paper mills reveals how far this delusion has grown. Some students actually think the paper document is all they really need. Or they focus on walking the stage even though they haven’t really graduated. Even worse, some employers don’t even check for false claims. For these students, it is baffling that Dave Thomas, Wendy’s founder with a net worth of $99 million, would go back to school at 61.

(Hint: Read on to find out how adults and their children can get free college, and it’s not the Pell Grant or a sports scholarship.)

Which One Is You?

WHICH ONE IS YOU?

“Two A’s are good, the small boy cried,

His voice was filled with glee.

His father very bluntly asked,

“Why didn’t you get three?”

“Mom, I’ve got the dishes done.”

The girl called from the door.

Her mother very calmly said,

“And did you sweep the floor?”

“I’ve mowed the grass,” the tall boy said,

“and put the mower away.”

His father asked him with a shrug,

“Did you clean off the blades?”

The children in the house next door

Seem happy and content.

The same things happen over there

But this is how they went.

“Two A’s are good,” the small boy cried.

His voice was filled with glee.

His father proudly said, ”That’s great!”

“I’m so glad you live with me!”

“Mom, I’ve got the dishes done,”

The girl called from the door.

Her mother smiled and softly said,

“Each day I love you more.”

“I’ve mowed the grass, the tall boy said,

“and put the mower away.”

His father answered with much joy,

“You’ve made my happy day.”

Children deserve encouragement

For the tasks they’re asked to do.
If they’re to lead a happy life,

So much depends on you!a

LDA of Alabam

ShirleyFessel.com

Freelance Writer in the Education and Counseling Professions