Lighting the Mother Shadow

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For some women Mother’s Day is not an easy day. Daughters of mothers who could not nurture them experience emotional fallout that casts a shadow over this day and indeed their lives.2015-03-06-16-13-26

Clarissa Pinkola Estes writes about the Stone Child, stories and myths of the unmothered child. As women, we experience “collapsing” and a wild hunger that leads us to doubt ourselves, have difficulty seeing ourselves accurately, engage in risky or impulsive behaviors, and an inability to maintain healthy boundaries. We miss training in honoring our intuition, consciousness and common sense. To recover, women must grow their own internal mother to warm their hearts through meditation, connecting with nature, bodywork, and support from other women. We must come to terms with our mother shadow, for she never leaves us. We cannot escape the effects and should not. Our mother effect is the source of our creative energy. Our emotions are our guide to our next level for spiritual development.

Recently a group of women in my workshop Continue reading

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Eat or Spend? The High Cost of Insecurity

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Almost anyone who struggles with an eating disorder or really any addiction is familiar with how we can switch obsessions. If we are not drinking, we are eating. If we are not eating, we are smoking. If we are not working, we are drinking. On and on.money-fly

Spending is one of the favorite “go to” switches for those with eating disorders. In fact, some studies show that many seeking recovery from eating disorders have either alcoholism or sexual abuse in their childhood experiences. Because of this, poverty can be a stressor from growing up in an alcoholic family or, on the flip side, a family member may use gifts to secure illicit favors from their child victim. Compulsive spenders report feeling in power, getting a “high” as a stress relief, or needing to “escape” – all of which can be effects from feeling powerless as children. One woman said that, unlike gambling, at least she knew what she had spent the money on and had something to show for it.

Even when these are not factors, in our consumer based materialistic culture, money is probably one of the most misunderstood and emotionally charged experiences Continue reading

The “W” in Worry

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There is a well- known Serenity Prayer by Friedrich Nietzsche and used in 12 step recovery programs that seeks to relieve us of our mental turmoil:

God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.”

What is not quoted as often as some of the rest of the prayer:

“Accepting as God did this sinful world just as it is….”

Here is what we worry about. We are worried that the things we can’t change will be too detrimental, damaging or disastrous. We may trust in God but we are not sure we are rowing to shore fast enough to escape the storm. Usually the categories of what we worry about areworryW   what        W   when       where

We may worry about what is going to happen, when something is going to happen, or where it might happen.

But the two big Ws we usually worry about are Who and Why.

We worry about the Who  … Continue reading

A Short Guide to Developing Denials and Affirmations

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Using the power of your words to create your experiences can be very satisfying and stress relieving.  More than just positive thinking, denials and affirmations are a dynamic duo in managing our perceptions and feelings toward achieving satisfaction in relationships, work and other areas. They are based on the truth that the universe is supporting us and that love prevails in assuring us our good because this is the Divine Will for our lives. They create what Jesus called “the Kingdom of God within you”. If we think about what would the evidence be that Good prevailed, that is what Jesus meant. Harmonious relationships, happiness, fulfillment, peace, love, wisdom, kindness. We can create these through the power of our heart-mind-words.

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Basically as I have practiced this technique, Continue reading

The Sources of Resentments

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“Why did she do that to me? I’ve never done anything to her!”

“No one crosses me and doesn’t pay for it.”pout

 

 

 

 

 

 

“He may think he can do that to me, but just let him try it again.”

Resentments are often called frozen rage or “drinking poison and hoping the other person will die”. Continue reading

Did My Agent Call?

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You have to understand I consider myself the Forest Gumpess of my Midwestern city. I say this because of the critical intersections of my life with the leaders of the city that, even though they are unknown to the vast majority, were still part of major movements at the time. I worked with a Congress on Racial Equality leader, an early civil rights attorney, a police community relations trailblazer acknowledged by the White House, conferenced with two mayors and the director of municipal corrections. Helped another social services leader get her community projects off the ground before she was nominated to the President’s Council on Volunteers. After the riots, organized mediation between the business owners and the residents, helped parents lobby for changes at the largest high school, organized fundamental changes in the way the school board was elected, and garnered community members for boards of Model Cities, urban renewal, and other governmental programs. I worked on the model for Habitat for Humanity before it was Habitat and helped another trailblazer push fair housing before it was the law. I worked with the human relations commissions of both cities and helped integrate a neighborhood. I kept a lookout over the property where a prominent leader built his cultural center while I worked at City Hall so I could notify him of any Planning and Zoning potential threats to the property. Continue reading

No Other Way

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This is one of the most comforting poems I know and I wanted to share it with you today!

NO OTHER WAY by Martha Smock

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Could we but see the pattern of our days,

We should discern how devious were the ways

By which we came to this, the present time,

This place in life; and we should see the climb

Our soul has made up through the years.

We should forget the hurts, the wanderings, the fears,

The wastelands of our life, and know

That we could come no other way or grow

Into our good without these steps our feet

Found hard to take, our faith found hard to meet.

The road of life winds on, and we like travelers go

From turn to turn until we come to know

The truth that life is endless and that we

Forever are inhabitants of all eternity.